PLEASANTLY DARK
by MooneytheMarauderXD
Summary: When Barnabas Collins once again finds himself chained into a coffin, he gets an unexpected surprise - a roomate. A skeleton detective by the name of Skulduggery Pleasant.


*****AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry it's not really formatted so that after each character speaks there is a new paragraphs- I'm more used to writing things in essay-ish format. I have been made aware that my formatting is a little off and will fix it toward the end of the chapter and for from now on. Please enjoy and _don't you dare leave without reviewing_ so I can see what you think and improve!*****

They say that you meet that special someone when you least expect it and you fall completely head over heels for them. This was very true in Skulduggery Pleasants' case. Well he did meet his special someone when he didn't expect it, but he didn't exactly fall head over heels as he really wasn't in the position to do so. You see when Skulduggery met Barnabas they were both chained into coffins in a mausoleum. The year was 2005 and Mr. Pleasant was on a mission in North America. Unfortunately, the criminal he was after had captured him and chained him up in a coffin and stuck the box full of detective into a mausoleum. "A fine way to start a mission" he said out loud. There was no point in whispering- it's not like he would be disturbing anyone, after all – his roommates were all stone dead – or so he thought.

He was very taken aback when a British accent replied to him. "You get used to it." The skeleton detective was almost certain that he'd gone mad. I mean, really an Englishman in America? It couldn't possibly be. But the voice called out again and it was just as British "Excuse me, but are you still here, Irishman?" Skulduggery decided that if he was hearing voices he may as well talk to them- no one in here would think he was crazy, and if they did so what? He didn't care "Yes I am, mysterious English hallucination. It's rather funny because generally my hallucinations are Irish." The other voice sounded puzzled now. "I do not think that I am a hallucination, sir. On the contrary, I think that you are definitely the hallucination here." "I most certainly I am not!" Skulduggery said indignantly. The Englishman spoke again "Well, since neither of us appears to be a figment of each other's imagination, perhaps we should get out of here." Skulduggery chuckled "Right, I suppose we should. Any ideas?" The Englishman paused and then replied "Do you have a mobile telephone?" he asked "Well yes, who doesn't these days?" "Well, I do not own a mobile telephone." Said the Englishman. "They confuse me." Skulduggery couldn't tell whether he like this man or not, but the strange man was intelligent and he was company, so the skeleton didn't complain.

"Can you get hold of it?" Asked the man. Skulduggery didn't answer but instead popped his arm out of socket and let it creep into his pocket and reach his mobile. "Can you hear me, Irishman? Can you get hold of it?" Skulduggery pulled his other arm out of socket and answered. "Yes, now what number should I call? This needs to be quick as I don't have international coverage." "You came to the new world without international mobile telephone coverage?" The man asked "Well, yes." Said Skulduggery. "It was cheaper that way." "Ah yes, a frugal gent. But you do know sir, that one must spend a bit for monetary gain later." Skulduggery decided he liked the man from the way he talked. No one talked like this stranger anymore, not even Skulduggery himself. "True as this is will you please give me the number so we can get out." He said politely. "Ah, certainly." The man purred

"Allow me a moment to attempt to recall it." Skulduggery shuddered. He really hadn't met anyone who spoke like in at least two centuries. "Ah yes, I remember now. The number is nine hundred and eight," "Uh huh," said Skulduggery "Three hundred and ninety four." "Is that it?" Skulduggery asked. "Yes." Said the man coolly. "Would you please put it on the loud setting so I can talk to Master David without actually being near that infernal contraption?"

Skulduggery poked at a button with his disembodied hand. "Yes, you're on speaker" he said curtly. "Good." said the Englishman. The phone responded with an American accent "Hello?"

"Ah, excellent, HELLO MASTER DAVID!" the Englishman yelled. "Oh hey Barnabas," the phone cried happily "What's up?"

"Well," started the Englishman whom Skulduggery now knew to be called Barnabas. "The sky is 'up' as you put it, Master David. However this is not my reason for contacting you."

The phone spluttered in what Skulduggery assumed to be laughter. "Okay Barnabas," the man on the other end started "What do you need?"

"Well," Barnabas began

"You're stuck in the coffin again, aren't you?" the phone asked with a touch of humour.

Barnabas sighed "Yes Master David, I am once again chained into my own coffin."

The man on the phone was amused and Skulduggery could detect a smile in his voice "Do you have women's underwear on your face again?"

"No." said Barnabas, he was not amused.

"Oh yeah?" the phone teased "What about men's?"

"MOST CERTAINLY NOT!" shouted Barnabas angrily

Skulduggery cleared his throat as if to say "Could you please hurry the hell up, I've no international coverage!"

In response Barnabas shouted at the phone "Bring the bolt cutters, would you Master David?" David agreed but not before asking who the man who had been clearing his throat was.

To this Barnabas replied "The man who has just saved me from another two centuries of misery." And with that David Collins hung up the phone and grabbed his bolt cutters.


End file.
